February 1, 2000
Cliff Jones – GM and Narrator
Steve Conard – Riccs: Dwarven Cleric
John Doyle – Hezril
Richard Kaalaas – Ullrack: Half Orc Hunter
Peter Adkison – Myrnac: Dwarven Druid Rogue
John Buscher– Kyrren Whitefire: Human Paladin (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Grok Wisethrone – NPC – Minotaur Fighter
Nick — N’Talic Moseth’rs – High Elf Sorcerer (email@example.com) (TARDY)
Moon Mullligan– Skyler: Human Fighter – Note present (moon) (TARDY)
Compaq is a quaint little village-city, nestled real nice-like on the boarders of a savage jungle. A dreadful place wrought with chaos terrors and god knows what else. Why is this happening? No one knows. Now, with in recent weeks, unknown creatures and bizarre erratic acting dwarves are vicariously assaulting the city. Nearby farms have been torched; apparently someone has something against farmers and their buildings. The poor farm animals are innocent victims in this growing conflict. People are crying about the dead farmers, but who sheds a tear for the husbandry. They have no time to console the animals or their owners as the evil shroud of villainy continues to attack their fair city. Total and absolute destruction will consume these people unless a group of sturdy, strong willed, hero wannabe’s come to their rescue. “Holy crap, we need to find our selves some heroes. Anyone know where you can find heroes?”
The city of Compaq has a population 2300 comprised mainly of humanoid races. ‘I want to know what “mainly” means. Does that mean something other than a humanoid lives in this town.” I look around nervously.
Today arrives, what is unique about today you ask. Well, today is the day the city finds itself some of them heroes.
The word is out that the evil Derro dwarves who have been attacking the farms. Ullrack can track these yellow belly midgets. We’ll follow their small prints and rout them out, kill them, destroy their moral; we’ll sing praises to Clanggedin as their souls are sent to hell. Ah, the glory of battle. We decide we can wait no longer; the good fight will begin in the morning.
The Narrator Speaks:
‘You bring back the dead bodies of the Derro dwarves. Oooh, Ahhh, the villagers gather around. They look down at the lifeless bodies. They look so harmless now, but only a few hours earlier they had bloody murder on their minds. It’s clear the townsfolk are pleased with our gift. We’re patted on the back, “good show, bloody good show.” These people might be missing a few teeth but they are down right appreciative.’
Myrnac likes the attention and jumps onto of cluster of boxes. The crowd looks at the dirt clod of a dwarf and become silent.
Screaming forth over the crowd, “I want you to know, any one who fucks with this town, we are going to fuck with them.”
He hesitates just for a moment to judge their mood, they appreciate his view. He continues. “If you’re a dwarf you better look like me; otherwise, you’re a Derro and were going to send you to fucking hell.”
The crowd roars. “Death to the Derro.”
Myrnac feeds off of the crowd and continues his righteous oration describing in gory detail and verbal expletives what we plan to do to these evil midget-kind.
A small elderly lady turns to her husband, “Yea, we’re going to kills those short fucks.” She is caught up in the motion of the moment. I’m thinking to myself, ‘Damn, Myrnac should run for office.’
Suddenly the crowd goes quiet and parts as a stranger enters the scene. This is no stranger. This is Mayor Throm—the man in charge of Compaq. He’s a human dressed in black cape sporting a well-oiled pointy beard he continues to walk until he is in front of the crowd. Flanking both sides are two guards dressed in shiny black armor; their faces are hidden by great helms. ‘O, give us a break. These guys are cliché bad guys. I read about these guys in college, in Bad Guy 101.
Whispers rise up, “It’s the major.’ These people are pussified.
Myrnac doesn’t miss a beat, “And were going to rout out corruption in the city.”
The mayor smiles, a sick sweet smile. ‘What a fucking ass-hole, I think. ‘What does this guy think we are, from some small town!’ Oops this is a small town.
The mayor smiles and nods his head. He’s silent and continues to nod his head. ‘What does he want us to do get on our knees and lick his boots. ‘What a prick. I can’t wait to kill his political ass.’
Holding up his hands to silence the crowd the Major speaks to us, “Thank you very much. The town is in your debt for what you have done for us. Our fair city thanks you.” He continues to nod. He reminds me of those bobbing heads you can buy in toy stores.
Apparently he didn’t like us being the center of attention so he had to make an appearance. After he’s soulless thank you he ambles off with his too ass-kissing guards. ‘I wanna kill them too.’
In the mean time Kyrren is surrounded by a bunch of farmer girls. They are doing everything they can to get his attention. Blah, who would want something that tall. I want nice hard rock tits only a good dwarven female can provide.
The rest of us gather together to discuss the mayor and his two lackeys. We’re fairly sure we saw the same type of armor on those other baddies who ambushed us. We are definitely going to kill those two.
“Come on Kyrren can’t you keep you girl friends at bay while we conduct business.” A 225 lb. girl is trying to capture Kyrren’s attention. She keeps pulling on his hand, winking her eyes seductively. ‘As a paladin it’s his duty to treat everyone equal. Right!’ Kyrren doesn’t appear to agree.
Sudden a massive column of light cascades from the heavens. The clouds part, the temperature rises. I notice the hair on the back of my neck is standing up. The farm girls are clutching their crotches, rubbing their breasts in ecstasy—softly moaning. What is going on, I look around. Across the square I see two dogs humping. The energy in the air is electric. The gathering throng is looking into the sky.
Okay I’ll bite. I turn my chin towards the clouds—the light is blinding. “O’ my god.” Some one says. “O’ my god.” Others chime in. Then like a round of row row row your boat, everyone begins communicating with the divine, “O’ my god. O’ my god.” Not wanting to be left out, I utter the same words. Nothing happens, the words don’t mean anything to me so I quit the chant.
The column of light is expanding. Not a sound can be heard, no birds, no wind, nothing. “There it is.” Someone exclaims pointing skyward.
A light flashes, thunder crashes, then it appeared—it was a small black dot. It slowly grew as it descended upon us. Everyone stared in awe. “O’ my god.” Was still making the rounds.
The dot began to morph and we suddenly realized it’s an entity of some sort visiting us from on high. We continued to watch as the divine coming transpired before us. “It’s an angel.” Some little girl called out, she nestled closer to her mother. Sure enough, it was a golden humanoid with fantastic white wings. What an amazing site we were allowed to witness as the celestial host slowly floated to the ground.
The angel slowly came to rest in the middle of the town square. The townsfolk stood motionless taking in the grandeur of its form.
“Greetings, my name is Hezril.” The voice was smooth and deeply resonating. Three farm girls pass out. The 225 lb. girl faltered and went to grab Kyrren arm to stop herself from falling. He sidestepped and she lands hard on the ground.
Something about this guy wasn’t quite right. He looked kind of dirty. What is up with that loincloth—nasty dirty thing; tattered with holes.
Myrnac yells out from his box, “It’s a sign. We have more where that came from.”
I’m sorry; I’m not as convinced as everyone else, “Ah bullshit. This guy aint that impressive. Look how dirty he is.” Lets face it, just between you and me. This Myrnac angel like character is a PC and thus can’t be that cool. Now if he were an NPC he’d be cool. Butch taught us that.
The crowd continues to coo. “O wow, it’s an angel. Wow. Ooohh, Ahhhh. Wow.” I start to get tired of these pigeons.
Myrnac jumps down from his pedestal and begins blessing the crowd. What a showman.
Our little party isn’t as impressed with the Angel as the rest of the town and we step forward making introductions. It seems that Hezril is an escapee from a circus. What kind of fucking angel works for a circus? We decide he ain’t half bad and let him hang with us. I don’t know why he flew all the way from his circus penitentiary to Compaq but he did. The rest of the folk around here are just a little too lame, so he basically has to hang with us.
End of Act 1
Dirty Golden Rod
Time to stay on first mission rather than creating new enemies. Hezril says he saw a massive swath cut through the landscape.
There is going to be a banquet in our honor tomorrow.
Mynac goes off on his love with dirt and why he’s so dirty. He goes on and on. He clearly has a love affair with dirt. I take baths, but then roll back into the dirt. To get clean dirt.
“The mayor smells of evil like our friend here smells of the earth”, says Kyrren
The town takes care of us. Party, banquet, etc.
WE hear that three more houses were attacked and taken out. Farm houses. We plan to track who ever did this vile deed. We suggest going back in the morning and track by day. We believe the Derro are responsible.
This farm house is 3 miles from the town. This is the closest the baddies have come to the town. Everything at the farm has been destroyed. All livestock have been killed. The place is obliterated.
We find wolf tracks. Apparently they had a werewolf with them.
A small dwarf came up to us at the farmers party—this happened lastnight. Durzh, a dwarven alchemist use to live outside of town. Could you do the dwarven nation a favor. Can you check him out. I don’t know if he is alive. Ya we’ll check it out. Thanks heroes. Myrnac gives the boy a dagger, “This is a dagger I used to kill a Dero.” It’s a lie, but it impressed the boy.
We learn that the alchemist lives in a tower near the top of a waterfall. About 5 miles outside of town. He was a loaner; he has a defensible tower built to be sufficient. He’s a gruff sort as dwarves go. He also has water-powered machinery.
Back to the farm. We are tracking, we are moving, track, track, track, Sounds like a god-damn song.
We hear a really loud squawk! Jones does a great interpretive screeching bird call.
We are in the jungle, they look like ostrich – they are axe beaks. They are moving really fast. We hear them coming before they get to us.
We are going to let them come to us.
An axe beak gets the upper hand on Ullrack since he is flatfooted—10 damage. He is already close to dead.
Myrnac preps his spear in preparation of being charged by the axe beak.
I step up and heal Ullrack for 5.
Ullrack stepped back 5 feet and attacks for 7 damage.
Kyrren steps up and reaps 12 damage and its still alive.
Myrnac hits because of the charge and does 12 damage with his spear. Double damage because of the charge
Axebeak misses Kyrren.
The next axebeak moves up and attacks Kyrren and misses
Hezril steps up and inflicts massive damage 17 in one hit. The chicken is still up.
Grok moves up and gets involved in the combat. He moves out and because of his reach he attacks from a bit away for 15 damage. The chicken is flayed.
The next axebeak moves up and attacks Grok and missed.
Kyrren is hit for 6 damage. That’s right bleed paladin.
Myrnac steps up 5 feet and attacks for 1 damage.
Riccs moved 5 feet and attacks for 10—damn the stupid bird is still alive even after taking 30 damage to this point.
Ullrack gets a critical hit for 28 damage. Yea hah!
Kyrren is the next to move 5 foot adjustment and wham for 8 damage.
One of the axebeaks departs very swiftly—he is flat out gone.
Hezril gets a crit for 34 damage. Holy moly.
Grok’s depressed use to being center of attention hits 13 damage and the last chicken is jumping around with out its head.
We go after the one that ran off. Myrnac wants to make the one remaining axe beak into his buddy. We find him in his nest. He eye balls us and makes lots of funny noises. Myrnac is having fun as he tries to get with in 30 feet for animal friendship. The chicken attacks. Mocking his friendship. Myrnac attacks with his spear for 8 damage. Myrnac yells, “Help, the spell didn’t work.” Come on man I’m a druid give me a break. Scratch that!
Kyrren attacks for 7 more damage.
Ullrack hits with 2 arrows for 14 damage. He’s at 37damage total and still alive.
It’s back around to Myrnac and he misses with his spear.
The axe beak attacks dirt clod and misses. That would be Myrnac.
Kyrren steps up and kills the chickens.
We find silver pieces laying everywhere even a small box. We found a masterwork studded leather armor. 1300 silver pieces.
We head back and continue following the tracks. 2 hours later . . . a spot check takes place. We see a bunch hill dwarven bodies. These are normal dwarves, a pile of 5 dwarves. The have insignias on them Grizale Iron Clan—We know this as a dwarven clan that lives around here. Some of these bodies are half dissolved. Bitten, axed, and dissolved. After detect magic we don’t find anything they are completely stripped.
We pick up dwarven tracks, and large wolf prints. We keep going. We think we are heading in the direction of the tower. We keep on the tracks.
We come across. We solid circular fortress that is perched on moss covered rocks not far away from a raging river and a thunderous waterfall. The fortress is solidly built, short, wide, couldn’t be knocked down. The tower is 30’ feet high and 60’ at the base. Definitely dwarven. Covered by a stone roof with stone spikes pointed out. It is capped by an observation post. There are arrow slits. There are stone that rise to the entrance. The main door is dwarven size, which means only short people can enter.
Myrnac casts detect traps and pits – 160 feet. It works something is definitely a miss. One hazard 30 feet in front of Myrnac. He lets us know there is something ahead. When we get with in 20 feet we get attacked by an Ankheg—the attack is considered a charge as it busts out of the ground.
Myrnac attacks the Ankheg but misses. Doh!
The Ankheg attacks back and also misses.
Grok walks up, stands, and takes a whack and hits for 6 damage.
Hezril hits for 18 damage.
Kyrren hits for 9 damage.
Ullrack moves and shoots arrows—20; critical – Fa Wing – strike – Dead!
What a nasty piece of garbage. We are not impressed by this beast.
“Ho!” The observation post spins revealing a massive ballista.
We see a dwarf. We think this might be Fonar in a bad mood.
Myrnac steps and says “Yo, we are looking for Durzh.”
He’s not here. He is suppose to be here. Be gone. We are here . . . the conversation goes back and forth a couple of times until he gets personal.
In dwarven tongue. “Leave or die—especially that Clangeddinite pig.”
He shoots a ballista. The vacation is over—a big fight is brewing.
“Vart keep an eye on me.” Riccs looks heaven ward.
Myrnac casts mist around us to protect us from the ballista and anything else that might be launched from the tower.
Hezril tries to bust through the door. He bounces off the door. It’s dwarven made what did he expect.
Everyone is running toward the main entrance.
Ullrack doesn’t think there is much he can do except delay. He is going to, say it rich, listen. After all of that he is listening. He doesn’t hear anything except the roar of the waterfall.
Hezril once again attempts to open the door by force.
The dwarves inside appear to be waiting. Waiting for us to enter. Ullrack delays.
Everyone delays; we are still waiting for the door to be opened. The rounds keep passing by. They wait, we delay, the door is still closed. The next round comes and goes. Round after pain staking round passes and the stupid angel still doesn’t manage to get the door open. I sigh heavily. Next time I roll my eyes. Next time a say Jeez under my breath. This is becoming almost comical. The Angel is beating himself on the chest in frustration. He’s first chance to shine, well you know what I mean, and instead he fumbles about.
Oil—boiling oil drops down upon on us from on high. We are huddled around the door, perfect targets for an oil attack. I can feel the pain coming.
The oil hits Hezril and Grok—oops here comes the damage; 12 in all. They are screaming in sever pain. Steak tar tar paladin and steak tar tar angel.
The door is still not opened—stupid angel can’t get the door open. We still wait.
The door is finally removed from its hinges. A small room filled with webs. Kyrren throws in a vial of oil and I throw in a lit torch. The webs start to burn. The ceiling height is 5’3”, (All the tall people are a sever minuses.) Loss of dex, and to hit.
Someone shoots a crossbow at Hezril but misses.
Grok takes 3 damage from an acid arrow.
We get hit by a sleep spell.
The room is really smoky; there is a dead dwarf laying in the corner burning. Kyrren can’t see shit—the smoke is all over the bloody place. He’s making it, but Kyrren is hacking up a lung, He can’t see his eyes are watering. As he gets to the door on the other side of the room he hears an almost in audible click . . . .our paladin friend falls into a pit taking 21 points of damage. He is laying in a pit of spikes next to other dead bodies.
We think it’s time to get out. Myrnac thinks we should step away and siege this place. “We’ll kill each one as they leave.”
We hear laughing, “Stupid paladin.” The voice is coming from the other side of the wall.
“Leave now, we won’t kill the paladin.” In perfect dwarven accent.
Myrnac kicks Ullrack awake and steps into the room and drops a rope down to the paladin.
“Clangeddin can eat my dung.” The deep voice was thick with venom.
Smack smack, I lick my lips, “Tastes like chicken.” I’m not letting these maggots get to me.
Kyrren is lying amongst the spikes and then notices a ring on the dead body next too him. Behind the werewolf is a creature that looks like a creature from hell. Dark green skin, with skin disease, with jet-black hair, it looks like a swamp creature of some sort.
Click. A small door opens just a bit; we see the partial form of a werewolf. It’s lips peel back revealing savage yellow teeth that slowly forms into an impish evil grin. With a quick snap she drops a potion into the pit. An explosive blast comes out of the pit. We all giggle; we can’t help but be impressed with the mischievous nature of the evil act.
A small little rat comes out of the smoke. Squeak, Squeak. It moves out the door and round the outside perimeter of the tower. Myrnac follows.
Myrnac casts invisibility to normal animals and moved in front of the small rat. It’s eyes track with him. He yells, “It’s not a normal rat. Hey guys, this isn’t a normal rat.”
Meanwhile back inside. The door opens into the inner chambers of the tower. We step in; I follow and heal Grok for 7.
Hezril gets hit by a measel for 7 damage.
A dwarf shoots from an oil slit and misses.
In the mean time the rat disappears, it just winked out. Gone!
More misses from arrows.
Myrnac is scheming. He listens for the rat. He hears the flapping of wings. Quick before the flapping moves off he casts faery fire—perfect shot and a 3-foot tall creature is revealed in a pale green glow. It’s a 3 foot tall imp.
Ullrack takes a five foot adjustment and fires off two shots. The first arrow misses the second finds its intended target for 5 damage. Apparently it has rubbery skin, damage reduction.
Hezril is attacking “a werewolf highbred, with hairy dangling titties.” It’s frothing, as if its enraged. O’ great, It’s a barbarian werewolf; she is nasty thing to behold. Huge loads of saliva drip from here fangs.
Hezril attacks an measel for 17 damage.
I move up and look through an arrow slit. I see the werewolf and cast hold person, but it is ineffective.
Combat continues on.
Hezril gets hit for 3 damage from a measel.
The werewolf for 14 damage attacks Hezril. “You are about to die.” Like a werewolf from the howling the evil spawned werewolf moves about in a hideous display of evil bestiality.
Outside: The imp takes off straight up into the air and leaves Myrnac’s line of sight.
Hezril is hit two more times for a combined 7 damage.
Myrnac moves inside now that his small winged friend has fled in terror.
Ullrack shoots a measel for 7 damage.
Hezril attacks but misses.
I delay and prepare to heal Hezril.
Kyrren heals himself.
I touch Hezril and send him health.
Hezril is attacked for 2 damage. The fight is relentless.
Kyrren’s hit for 14 damage from the bitch wolf.
Grok is finally going to do something—he moves up into the room.
Other attacks coming raining in but they miss.
Myrnac takes a sneak attack and tries to thrust his spear through the murder hole. This was the plan, instead he waits using a ready fire. He is going to wait till some ass-hole shoots from the hole and he is then going to spear him.
Ullrack attacks with sever minuses through the door. One hit one crit – the measel dies on the first shot. He goes for a long shot against another enemy, the shot would take a miracle and sure enough goes wide.
Hezril attacked a dwarf and hit the dwarf for 18 damage and drops his fucking ass. That was the ballista bastard. Die ass-hole the tide is turning.
Kyrren attacks the werewolf 14 damage.
I move into the room and get two attacks of opportunity against me but they miss. I then heal Hezril.
The werewolf attacks Kyrren for 7 damage and their was poison on the blade.
Kyrren tries to grapple her and she takes an attack of opportunity for 9 damage. He then tries a touch attack, and misses.
Attacks against us end up missing. The fight goes on clang, bang, clash, whoosh, swipe, grrrrr. Arhg, The tide of battle ebb and flows.
Myrnac gets his attack through the murder hole for 7 damage. He hears a squeal from the other side. He shots at Ullrack for 8 damage.
The battle rages on, it’s bloody, who knows how it might end. The heroes against the dark hordes of hell.
Ullrack shoots arrows through the murder hole. One hit, one miss. For 12 damage.
Hezril is “going to thump that dude.” Attacks a measel for 16 damage.
Kyrren attacks the werewolf, “ah, kiss my furry ass.” She takes 14 damage.
I heal Kyrren for a measly 4 damage.
The werewolf quaffs a potion. Damn we hate smart monsters.
Grok did 15 damage on a measel.
A measel hits Kyrren for 4 damage.
Grok gets hit for 2 damage.
Ullracks turn. He decides to shoots at a dwarf for 13 damage and dies. “Die you midget F U C K!!”
Hezril kills the next measel when he inflicts 17 damage.
Kyrren attacks and does 7 damage on werewolf. She is still alive
I step up and heal Kyrren for 5 damage. I’ve been rolling badly.
The werewolf hits Kyrren for 15 damage. “You are gonna die, ahhhh, prepare to meet your doom paladin fuck.”
The wolf bitch attacks Grok for 16 damage. Grok is trying to grapple her, but fails. We groan. “Prepare to die.” She snarls.
Myrnac throws warp wood on the crossbow the dwarf who is sitting behind the murder hole is wielding. He made his save, what a waste.
“Come on angel, come get me.” “Don’t worry your going to get me.”
Kyrren gives his magic sword to Hezril. She doesn’t like it.
“You pussies, I’m going to kill one of you pussies.” She waves her hand bring it on.
She ignores Hezril and goes after Grok. She wants to take someone with her. The attack is successful and brings him down to –10. Grok is gone to Minotaur heaven—he awakes in a labyrinthine.
Across the room “I give up. I give up.” The measel has no weapon and his hands are up. I say, “Bullshit, chop, chop!”
Kyrren is trying to trip the werewolf . . . but . . . misses.
“Die cur.” Damn Hezril misses.
I step around the table and met the measel, “I give up.” He lifts his hands. I cleave his ass, and strike for 8 damage.
The werewolf dies as its rage subsides.
I kill the measel.
Grok wakes up he is hurt.
The battle is over after over 15 melee rounds of savage combat.
We have a new home.